INDESIGN// Mikeys DPS/ Interview

Where are you from?
An average village called Ackworth. Just north of the great city of Leeds, which is a redeeming feature I guess.

Tell us about it.
There’s nothing really to say, there is nothing there. Oh, it is the longest village in England. Na, but seriously… its shit.

What is your earliest memory?
Hahaha! When I was very little, maybe about 2 years old, I was traveling on a bus with my child minder. I remember waking up and seeing that she was covered in my dribble. I haven’t changed one bit.

Which living person do you admire most and why?

What a creepy question, ‘living person’. I guess it’s the drummer Aaron Spears. Man, can he shred on the drums.

Do you prefer cats or dogs?
I prefer catdog, the cartoon show. Naaaa, really I enjoy dogs the most. I have both cats and dogs back on the family farm but I prefer dogs, they are just so loyal. Cats are evil bastards.

Where would you like to live and why?
I guess I’d like to live on a secluded Indonesian island. Out in the ocean with the tribes. Plus the women don’t wear tops.

What would your super-power be?
Man, it would be sweet if I could stop time! Imagine all the stuff you could do, all the work you could get out of the way so you can spend more time chilling with your mates.

You wouldn’t use it for evil supervillan stuff?
Probably not really man, I’m too lazy to take over the world.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
I would bring back Parliament, the 60’s funk band.

Really?
Yes really, out of all of the brilliant people who have ever lived, I would choose to bring back the members of Parliament-Funkadelic.

Ok. What is your most unappealing habit?
I can’t stop mastur…. Wait… I leave all my dirty washing out on the floor. It’s really smelly.

Moving on, what is your favorite word?

My favourite word? Who wrote these questions? Would you like me to tell you what my favourite colour is next?
I like Bollocks. And when I say that, I mean the word Bollocks. It sounds good coming out of my mouth and its very expressive.

What is your favourite book?
Well, seeing as I can barely read, I guess I do like ‘The Guinness Book of Records’. I find looking at mental people interesting. Treeman blows my mind.

Which four people would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Will Smith, Andy Samburg, Nick Mason and Julian Barrett. Got some funny people, got some interesting people. Should be a good dinner party. Actually, to be honest, who the hell has dinner parties at our age?

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I always wanted to play more sports. Oh, and I would go back and smack this bully at school. I would say “this is the last time you will bully, bully” and then proceed to bash his face in.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
Hmmm, a hard question. I would go back to Geek mythology times. I could ride a Cyclopes and shit. I’m pretty sure this time period existed in real life and not just my mind…
If not I would be a Viking. All those big Scandinavian men sharing just one little longboat. That’s true freedom.

What would you consider to be your greatest achievement?
Another difficult question. I suppose I’m proud that I’ve become so sick at drumming.

That was a nice answer. Tell us a joke?
Ok, erm. What’s E.T short for?

I don’t know, what is E.T short for?
Because he has little legs.

Nice, that almost works. Ok last question. Tell us a secret.
Ha ok, I secretly really fancy Joanna Lumley…
Naaa! Got you! My real secret is that my voice didn’t break till I was almost 17.

That is no less embarrassing.